EVERY MOMENT IS ANOTHER LETTING GO AND HOW TO MAKE THAT OKAY FOR YOU AND YOUR KIDS
Have you ever noticed that moment when you have to turn the stroller out towards the world and then you don't get to gaze at your baby, because they are now looking out at the world, which he or she needs to do to in order to grow? And then there's that first separation when they have their first drop-off at their daycare or at school. Each time it is difficult and each time we somehow get through it. So what happens when they go off to camp or school or college for the first time? In one case, I said to a mother, "well, at least your son is going away to camp with a friend and he can hold on to that." And then my friend said, "But that's not how I want to look at it. I want him to be okay inside, on his own, and not rely on his friend, but rely on himself."
So how do we teach our children that ability to be okay on their own? Our inclination is to fix every thing that gets broken and make everything okay for them. But as the beautiful book, "The Blessing of A Skinned Knee" teaches us, we have to let them fall sometimes, because that's the only way they learn how to get up again. I'd love to hear from you. What lessons or tips do you have for how to make your child feel totally okay on their own, so that they enter a room what that feeling of assurance and confidence wherever they go? I'd love to hear your comments.
Love,
Mommy
posted by Love Mommy @ 5:29 PM
6 Comments:
I think this is one of the most important aspects of our jobs as mothers. I always try to remember that I am doing my children a disservice when I overprotect them from the bumps of life (even though sometimes it scares me to death!). If we want to raise independent, socially aware children then we have to give them the tools to overcome the bumps and carry on - without looking to mommy for approval or to "fix it". Thanks Judy!
The best gift we can give our kids is the gift of independence. The kids take their cues from us and if we are happy and confident about their new adventures, they will be too. Somehow, miraculously, our children do grow up - and so do we! I like how you say "making it ok" for us too. We have to remember to be proud of ourselves for being able to let go. Love your thoughts!
You know, I actually tried a page from your book (literally!) and I say to my daughter, "Mommy leaves, but Mommy always comes back" but at this point she's not always able to accept that. That said, she's pretty independent and it's only since I've gotten pregnant again that she's become clingy in any way. I've seen other parents be very, very overprotective with their children, and when they fall and bump themselves these people rush in, scoop up the kids (who can take their lumps and keep on truckin') and say, "Are you OK? Are you OK? Are you hurt?" in a panicked voice, and sure enough, the child responds to those cues and begins crying. I've found if she doesn't immediately cry, and instead looks at us, it's like she's trying to gauge whether or not she should cry, and if that's the case, it wasn't serious. So I usually say, "Look at you! You're OK, hey, let's come and play with the play-doh" and off she goes, as if nothing happened. And then the next time she falls when I'm not around but am still watching her, I'll notice she gets up without a second thought and just moves on.
But wow, I'd forgotten all about how hard it was on me to turn her around in her stroller the first time until you mentioned it! I'm glad I'm not the only one who felt that way! :)
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